'sake.

B has been offered an operation to 'improve the look of her scars'. The recovery time will be long, anaesthesia has the usual risks and it's one of the most painful operations you can have, and will severely impact on her life during the recovery period. 

She does not want to have this operation. Even with the time off school carrot. She has never known herself to be any different, and has no problem with her scars - nor do we. It is not 'now or never'. This operation can be had at any time, but they are pushing for now, with the added pressure of "It's your decision, we can't advise" thrown in.

This operation will not remove her scars - just 'fill them in' so she looks less shark-ravaged. It will not stop her legs hurting, or stop the mild behavioural issues caused by the meningitis. It will not turn back the clock, either. To force her into submitting to this very painful procedure when she so doesn't want to would be, to my mind, a form of abuse, committed solely to appease the aesthetic sensibilities of others.

This is such a quandary though. Force her (mainly to get people off our backs) and get it out of the way when she's at an age where healing would be faster but have her feel we don't accept her, or listen to her and what she wants to do, then possibly face her anger at a later age, asking us why we didn't make her have it done. 

I console myself with the fact that she is actually eight years old and capable of intelligent and rational thought. But my consolation will not ward off future assholes who might hurt her feelings, will it. And this operation is mainly about pleasing them.

So to anyone who would pressure someone over something like this I can only say "Back off". This is a hard enough thing to think through without people whingeing at you. I believe the correct behaviour is to say "Whatever you all decide we are right behind you", and to keep close counsel to your own misgivings. 

But society is all about judgement, isn't it.